Catalyst No More

is the way i live not enough for you?

is it an addiction to always try something new?

my life must seem so simple enough

not enough to be what is up to snuff

but was it something that i said

that made you bring these lies to bed

so what did I do?

what would you do?

what should I do?

so tell me, is the way things were before?

what you liked, when knocked out cold and on the floor

these habits made, i cant embrace

demons to me, is what you'd chase.

now these things all come to light

like a haunting killing me in the night

so what did I do?

what would you do?

what should I do?

and the look thats on your face

Is not simply something that i can easily erase

and this uneasy sadness in your tone

is something your lies do not condone

cause soon you'll find tuesday in the mail

and you may realize how fast this fell

so what did I do?

what did I do?

what did I do?

The Fight

It's as if the bells were rung

From the moment I came around

Because ever since I can remember

You knock me down to the ground

Not as if I don't deserve it

I never seem to learn

I get right back up swinging

My Foe is none of my concern

Though now I see its always You

And You always let me swing away

And every time I hit the floor

Until things appear to go my way

This time, You've packed Your punch

You've knocked me completely off my feet

When I thought things were going my way

I taste the blood from missing teeth

I've fought You in all to destruction

I brought it on myself single handedly

I'm knocked out, bent, and broken

My life is sustained only through mercy

What a dull spectrum I am

What a murky creature I've become

How many ways I disrespect Your name

So many offenses cannot be undone

And in the midst of it all, You're here

Standing over me in a weeping stare

I know it though I still continue

You are faithful, though it's unfair

I am dying out on this open ground

Crawling, swinging, bleeding out

Why am I so stubborn against no foe

I am a foolish child beyond all doubt

What a sorry creature I must be

A broken life with a hopeful soul

Only Your essence can correct

Giving life as age into ages roll

I am broken and surrendered!

Bring me to tears and to my knees

Let Your power crash my foundation

Transform me into what You please

Your patience paralyzes my everything 

I'm embarrassed of decisions I've made

Then You take me out of the shadows

And remind me my debt is already paid

My time remaining is simply slipping

And I am purely and utterly next to nothing

So come and save me from myself

Remind me that only then am I anything.

Hollow Council.

Old man of words;

Speak to me.

Tell me of things I have not seen.

Your eyes cast in sorrow,

Filled with tears

For a world that will never be clean.

Nothing left for tomorrow.

Old man of wisdom;

Educate me.

Tell me of theories I'd never conceive.

Your brow is tired of thinking,

Wrought with concepts

From dreary lessons you hate to believe.

Simply tired of teaching.

Old man of  visions;

Enlighten me.

Tell me of places I will never see.

Your feet are worn from travel,

Dark with soil

From numerous journeys of mystery.

Nothing left to marvel.

Old man of power;

Strengthen me.

Tell me of battles I could not weather.

Your body scarred from war,

Red with blood

From enemies darkened by terror.

Survival is never sure.

Old men of counsel;

Listen now to me.

I tell you of someone you've forgot.

Her lesson drenched in joy,

Filled with hope

For those who give her voice a shot.

Nothing about her is coy.

Oh lady of love;

Adore us again.

Help us find the gift we cannot grow.

Your heart unconditionally steady

Filled with anticipation

To make us happier than we'll ever know.

Happier and ever ready.

Change of Pace

The space where hearts are meant to beat,
Seems to be a cavity behind my lung
Damaged from a time when I tried
Leaving me hollow and undone.

Was I gone that long..
Did I miss that much..
Did that one day come,
When she said she'd had enough..

Did she forget about this..
I know that I never did..
I just wanted us happy,
How did she move on before an end?

I'm alone now and afraid.
I know I can't forget her.
She's happy now and gone.
And now I'm just a loser.

I may never win any medals..
No ribbons nor rewards..
I'm not a winner, but I'll say, 'okay..'
All I wanted was to be is 'yours'.

And if all of this is chaos
Bringing about feast or famine
Remind me just to give up
And handover all things to abandon.

But why is all of this now
For once finally feeling fair..?
I was once just tired of falling;
And simply crashing into air

But now into dark of night
Straight into where I dive,
I betray myself every mile
That I continue to drive.

And now as Bonfire begins to play
Again once more after itself
It reminds me of all the damage
That I've brought upon myself..

But the next that comes to playing
As it seeps in through to my ears
Wells up tears from how she's made me feel
Throughout all the memories of the years...

Mixed feelings in these memories multitude
Hung up proudly in their frames
As though my mind were a hallway
With enough room for theses pictures, it can't contain.

But my smile breaks through stronger,
Than the sun in all its power,
My mind is in the slow lane, but,
My heart blazes by at unclocked miles per hour.

Because there's a future, now, that's out there
One that I just cannot wait to find,
And this time, I cannot be held back,
I simply will not fall behind.

Not on this trail I'm blazing,
Not on this path I walk,
And I won't let myself be bothered
By the Past's misery talk.

So now, c'mon!  Let's run!
We have no time to waste!
There's no need in looking back,
Show me the meaning of haste!

And as the spotlights begin to sweep
Across the cloud filled sky,
My lungs fill faster and even faster,
"May this exhilaration not be a lie!"

So, Night, devour and empower me
To come alive again!
Let Distance shrink into nothingness,
Reviving as a Friend.

And as Daylight tears through Darkness,
And breaks out across the horizon
May I hold her like I never have
Joyful that this Day has finally come.