Change of Pace

The space where hearts are meant to beat,
Seems to be a cavity behind my lung
Damaged from a time when I tried
Leaving me hollow and undone.

Was I gone that long..
Did I miss that much..
Did that one day come,
When she said she'd had enough..

Did she forget about this..
I know that I never did..
I just wanted us happy,
How did she move on before an end?

I'm alone now and afraid.
I know I can't forget her.
She's happy now and gone.
And now I'm just a loser.

I may never win any medals..
No ribbons nor rewards..
I'm not a winner, but I'll say, 'okay..'
All I wanted was to be is 'yours'.

And if all of this is chaos
Bringing about feast or famine
Remind me just to give up
And handover all things to abandon.

But why is all of this now
For once finally feeling fair..?
I was once just tired of falling;
And simply crashing into air

But now into dark of night
Straight into where I dive,
I betray myself every mile
That I continue to drive.

And now as Bonfire begins to play
Again once more after itself
It reminds me of all the damage
That I've brought upon myself..

But the next that comes to playing
As it seeps in through to my ears
Wells up tears from how she's made me feel
Throughout all the memories of the years...

Mixed feelings in these memories multitude
Hung up proudly in their frames
As though my mind were a hallway
With enough room for theses pictures, it can't contain.

But my smile breaks through stronger,
Than the sun in all its power,
My mind is in the slow lane, but,
My heart blazes by at unclocked miles per hour.

Because there's a future, now, that's out there
One that I just cannot wait to find,
And this time, I cannot be held back,
I simply will not fall behind.

Not on this trail I'm blazing,
Not on this path I walk,
And I won't let myself be bothered
By the Past's misery talk.

So now, c'mon!  Let's run!
We have no time to waste!
There's no need in looking back,
Show me the meaning of haste!

And as the spotlights begin to sweep
Across the cloud filled sky,
My lungs fill faster and even faster,
"May this exhilaration not be a lie!"

So, Night, devour and empower me
To come alive again!
Let Distance shrink into nothingness,
Reviving as a Friend.

And as Daylight tears through Darkness,
And breaks out across the horizon
May I hold her like I never have
Joyful that this Day has finally come.


Desired Love Unwanted

Here I am.
Here I stand,
A single man, a simple soul.
Here I breathe.
Here I see,
An abounding love, out of control.

There you are.
There you shine,
One of beauty, one so defined.
There you watch.
There you stay,
Unable to love, unable to find.

Here I am.
There I was,
I was waiting, I was wanting.
Here you are.
There you were,
You were disgusted, You were unwilling.

My soul fell.
My heart broke.
Was it lies? You didn't care...
Took for yourself.
Took it all.
Scoffed my love, You weren't fair.

Time has passed.
Time is now,
A new day, wrong dawn, sad future.
One where you cry.
One where I sigh,
And pray you regret your change into this creature.


Here I am.
Here I stand,
A man alone, a soul degraded
Where I long.
Where I wonder,
Waiting for you, My love unfaded...



By the edge of the bank,
The wayside of the water,
Memories rehashed
Of times spent in horror..
I speak from my soul,
My heart and my mind
In a painful reviving
Of the sullen, dark time.
Apologies, corrections,
Explanations I'm told
Of the events only rumored
Reanimating sadness so bold..

Then actions spoke out,
Much louder than words,
And I'm born into a place
That's not of this world.
A state where I'm happy,
But sad and confused..
Where I'm free from a burden
Though poised maybe to lose.

Either way in this place,
I won't let it go.
I've waited too long
To let it pass and never know.
It's a tad tainted, but pure.
Truly bittersweet to the core.
The taste of closure
That opens more doors.

So I take off into the night,
Departing for a new home,
Thoughts now born run berserk,
My mind is set widened to roam.
Now my world's upside down.
My split emotions in strife.
These random twists seem abundant
In this chapter of my life.

Pros and cons are my songs
As I now sift through my days
In an odd pleasant confusion
Of new directions and ways..
As the voice of reason echos out
Following desire and wanting more,
When innocent love chimes her song
That we both simply cannot ignore:

"Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
Is this something inside
That you just want to scream?
To the top of your lungs,
To the top of this earth,
Does the freedom this gives you
Best all other matters of worth?
Does this mean enough to you
To hold on to what you find...
Give hope to this unknown
That it may be one of a kind?"

Is there anything left to believe in?
My God, I hope this is true....
I know what I believe in, but
Somethings cannot be seen through.

So after the choices are made,
Of pathways I choose to take,
I realize I must be aware
These are the decisions I've made.
So this new peaceful confusion
I believe not to be Love's illusion
But rather my Past's evolution
Leading to a new happy conclusion.