i have nothing to hide from you.
you have nothing to fear.
you shy away with secrets.
why are you vague instead of clear...

you have no reason to distrust me.
no reason either to hide.
your semantics make me question,
what is your true nature inside...

why cant you just be real with me?
just sit and be who you are.
just calm down and simmer out
be human, not lookin for a superstar.

i don't care who you think is watching
i don't care if you want to be cool
i don't care if you want to be hip and in
i don't abide my life by such a rule

i'm just going to want a person
not a body for someone else
there's no need for fame or renoun
if you're stuck alone here by yourself.

i have nothing to hide.
i have no fear to tell you anything.
i have no cause for shying away.
i have an answer for anything you want to know.
i have an open book for you to read.
i have a life with nothing to withhold.
i want the same.
i want the truth.
i want trust.
i want behavior worth holding onto.
i want someone similar to me, not like me
but not like what we used to be.
not a child.
a person.
become something worth holding onto
become something worth putting trust in.
become something.
hurry, but don't rush.
there is a difference between speeding through and being efficient with time.
don't wait.
take control.
take leeway.
take advantage.
take the first step.
don't wait.
life is not a waiting game.
waiting will get you nowhere while you wonder why it didn't make a difference.
don't sit.
don't be silent.
don't talk.
don't fumble.
don't try.

don't wait.
in the meantime, i'll be nothing for this.


Cleft for Me

After reading:

"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock."
Psalm 27:4-5 

I begin to think:

Woe in me, why do I fear a thing...
Why are dark skies so frightening...
Was it not You, O God, that made the world?
It it not You, O God, in who's hands I'm curled..
Ashamed when I sin in my sinfilled role
You redeem my wrongs and cleanse my soul
High, You lift me up, yet I'm afraid
Yes, I know I'm safe under Your shade,
But how can You, through the mistakes I've made,
See a life worth saving with the blood You paid...
How can I be worth that cost?
My filthy life, just count it lost!
Why do you use your blood you split that day
To drop on my head and wash away
Transgressions I commit against Your love
Yet still You are holding me high above
All my sins
All my fears
All my time spent in wasted years
All my crying
All my pain
All the time You gave I spent in vain
Your love, from it, I can't escape
I'm in awe of You...
When Mountains and Worlds is what You shape
But as Your eye is on the sparrow...

Even Lord as Your eye is on this little one...
So, too, do You think of me, and all I've done,
You still take me in my days of storms
You tuck me away from mine enemies swarms
You do not count me too high a cost
But as a young sheep who was simply lost

May I find You one day, O Lord
In Your tabernacle, O my God...
May I only feel a shimmering radiance of Your beauty
May I be strong enough to only bask in its boundary
Not to speak in my voice, not to whisper a single word,
But to cry and then cry out above all things, forever
"O Lord, You are my God and, in You alone, do I find rest"


I am no Job.

Days like these pull me under
Days like today make me want to tear my skin asunder
To rip it down into the insides
To see what makes me tick
And find the gears that rot me fowl
That make me feel so sick.

Days like these bear a heavy load
Days like these make me want to scream until my lungs explode
To let go of that last gasp of air
To feel collapse inside my chest
And find the black thick that filled me up
That makes me feel of emptiness

I want it gone
So take it please
I want life like theirs
A life of peace
I know there's trials
I face them now
I just want to wake up
And be able to smile somehow
I feel a plague
Deep in my skin
It takes me over
All day from within
Is "truly happy" hard to find
Why can't I find it
And just make it mine

Days like these I hardly find Light
Days like these make me wonder why I continue to fight
To let it happen without a doubt
To let it simply go and let it be
And find the purpose that I need to start
That gives the Builder all of me



Please read this first.
And maybe this.

A stronger son I've always been
Among my brothers and my kin
Destined for power I've always known
Not sadden in who is to be overthrown
And dare that I may have to say
The Underworld is the only way
For he deserves what he has given
Thrown sons away to the darkest prison
So in my sins, I take no pride
But now my father is by my side
And a sickle, then, in mine other hand
Yet it is his life that they demand
And with no counteroffer of any worth
He will now regret even my day of birth
For he tyrants over all things that grow
My sisters, brothers, and all I know
So in ambush then I must plan to act
And once begun, I cannot retract
So a mournful echo and resounding ring
I found my weapon that I did swing
On the side of my father next to me
My joyful Mother, I see, sits happily
What once made my father fit to be
I cast it out now into the depths of the sea
And his blood does spill onto the earth
Bringing up strange creatures of new birth
Sighs in saddess, Mother falls to her knees
Regarding my choice of my first decrees
In banishing back to where once they were
She speaks of a time beknowst to her
"So as the son his Father overcame,
Your son too will conquer you to reign"
I've heard her cry so I shall prepare
To devour mine so that I have no heir
My wife then brings them as they are born
In doing so she has become torn
But today her cries has no saddened tone
How odd that this one tastes like stone...